Missing you so much.  / Helen Vickers (Mother of Shad )

Hey babe.  I am so sorry that I haven't written on here in so long but it has  been down.  Dad and I are in Paintsville today and will be spending time with all of the Vickers clan.  Hope you make your presences known.  You know that the next few months are the hard months for me to miss you so.  Halloween Thanksgiving Savanna's birthday Christmas Aiden's Birthday Robbie's birthday your angel day and then your Birthday.  That goes from Oktober until April.  Please be close to me and Dad for all of these months.. I love you more that you will ever know.  See you when I get there.  Momma

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Valentine's Day comes and goes  / Momma (Mother of Shad )

Well Son, Valentine's Day comes and goes and then the time of year begins when we start to think of you a lot.  We start to think of you on Robbie's birthday on March 14th you were so ok that day as far as we knew and then on March 18th the journey began, a journey that I will as a mother never forget.  It was a long hard road and a road of hills and valleys.  Then on March 31th we said goodbye to your earthly body and hello to your spiritual eternal life.  Shad I am so thankful to know that you are in heaven and that I know that I will see you at the end of my journey.  I am so excited to see you and I know that it will only be a short time for you but it will seem like it has been forever for me.  I miss you so much and sometimes I don't even think that I can breath.  But with God's help I will make it .  You are and were such an inspiration to me.  I can still see you raising you long arms to the heavens praising Jesus on the stage of the Community Methodist Church during the play Heavens gates and Hells furry.  Your were so blessed by that play and I believe with everything in me that you  found Jesus during that time and I also know that we all found a closer walk with him.  You continue to walk with all of us you hear me.  You walk with you Dad.  He needs you,  he misses you so bad and sometimes I am not sure if he knows how to handle it.  I pray for him and so does your sister but I want you to wrap your arms around him and let him know that you are close to him.  Let him know how you want him to meet you at those gates when he dies.  How bad you want to see him.  I love you my precious baby boy.  I will see you when I get there.  And I promise you I will be there.  Please stay near to us.  You are my guardian Angel.  Stay near all of your children.  They really need you.  Love you.  Momma

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It's almost Christmas!  / Sister (Sarah) Ousley (Sis)
Hey Brother,
I haven't written on here in the longest time. I don't know why really, I think it's easier for me to pretend I don't miss you. But I do..I miss you so much. Sometimes it hits me very hard and other times I'm fine. I'm so busy with these kids, you know.

I love you so much and miss you more than you could imagine. My kids miss you too..Even Syd and she was sooo young when you died. Oh Shad, you would freakin love her. She is  a HOOT!! Just so you know, her 2 favorite things on EARTH are PAPA BEAR and MCDONALDS. HA HA If only I could rate that high on her list. HA HA

Shelby Grace is an angel. I'm for sure that the Lord sent her straight from heaven to replace a piece of our hearts that was missing. Of course, you will never be replaced, but she fills an empty spot in our lives. She's AWESOME!!

And Sethie boy...Oh DEAR..You would want him to live with you if you were still here. He is all about Wrestling, playing games, sports, etc. He is a kid after your own heart. He misses you so much still and he cries for you STILL. I don't think he'll ever recover from losing you. I'm convinced that he was affected the most out of all the kids. He just had something special for you.

Well brother, Merry Christmas. Too bad you aren't here to buy me a present. You know how I love to receive. HA HA Just kidding!

I love you!
Sis Close

one week till Christmas  / Momma (Mother of Shad )
We went to see Santa and just wanted to tell you that we told him that you were in heaven and that you would spend christmas with Jesus this year.  We wanted to wish you a merry christmas and tell you that we love you very much.  We all love you and wish you were here with us.  We miss you very much.  Be with us if you can.  Let these kids know that you are here.  I love you son.  Momma. Close

I ♥ you!  / Tiffany Vickers (Wife)

Hey baby I want you to know how much I love you it comes from the depth of my soul and it will never weaken.YOu were my one true soul mate we were made for eachother we fit sp perfect the it was the most awsome feeling in the world I have never felt that since you have been gone and I never will again. What we had was something that most people never get to feel as long as they live. I just don't understand why it had to be taken away I know thats selfish to want you back on earth but I just miss you so much and I want you back. YOu would be so proud of your boys they are growing up and act so big. I wish you could be here to see them growing you would be so happy. Well baby I love you and miss you with everything in me.

                                                                I♥U,

                                                                  Tiff

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Christmas Decorating  / Momma (Mother of Shadrick )
Hey baby.  I've been getting some of the Christmas decorations out this morning and I found a decoration that I alway put out when you and Sarah were little.  I called Sarah and told her and she was so excited.  I know that you would love it.  I am going to put it out this year and think of you and Sarah as little children everytime I look at it.  Yesterday I cried so many times thinking of you.  I just wanted to scream.  I miss you so much.  I know that it is crazy but it seems that I miss you more this year that any other year.  I want to put a present under the tree to you so bad so you can open it.  That is crazy.  Dad said for me to buy a present and wrap it and put it under the tree and that is what I am going to do.  I Love you so much son and want to thank you for all the memories and love that you gave me for the 28 years that I had you.  You were the best son a mother could ever have had.  I will talk to you later.. Momma Close

It is snowing  / Momma (Mother of Shad )
These Babies are the sweetest things ever in the world.  Thank you so much for giving them to me to hold on to as a part of you forever.  It is snowing today and it makes me so happy.  Dad and I are just hanging out right now. Seth has a basketball game today.. It is his first one we are so excited.  Sarah, Sydney, Shelby and myself are going to go out tonight to a dance recital for my friends little girl.  It will be so fun.  It is hard to believe that you will be spending your 4th christmas with Jesus and all our family that has gone before us.  You are so lucky.  Make sure you tell Grandmother, Papaw, Aunt Pat, Aunt Jackie Kay, and Papa that we love them.  Be close to us during this Christmas season as we do it without you.  We love and miss you so very much.  Talk to you again soon.  Close

counseling / Momma (Mother of Shad )

Hey baby  I have been thinking of you so much lately.  I have been in counseling with a women that is helping me so much.  I have been so worried about Savanna lately.  Things are not so good at home for her right now and I feel so helpless.  I can't do anything about it.  Dad and I would love to just have her here with us all the time.  We want to put her in school here and put in some extra things that she wants to do.  I know that we just have to be patience.  That is just so hard when we know that it is something that may never happen.  She is such a wonderful kid and I know that she will go far and just like your Dad said she will get to the point in her life when she will just say No I am not going to do this anymore I am going to Dee and Papa's and I am going to do what is right for me and I am going to go far in my life.  I am going to get a wonderful education and have a job and I am NOT going to live on welfare.  I refuse to believe that she will be like her mother that she will continue to live like they all do there. She is better than that..  Shad it breaks my heart to think that she will not be able to get out of there.  I don't know what else to do than what I am doing.  I am going to her school and meeting with her teachers and telling them all that I can about her living situations.  That is all that I can do.  I don't want to rock the boat and cause her mother to not let us not see her at all that would put me down for sure I know that it would.  I love her so much and want the very best for her. That is all.  It is like if I can care for her and make sure she has it all that I can make up for all I did to let you down in your life.  I always felt like I let you down because I didn't help you do better in school and I didn't push you to make you have a better self esteem.  I think you would not have gone the road you went if I had done better as a mother than I did.  I feel alot of guilt for the things that you did in your life. I know that is probably not something that I could change but it is something on my mind and I need to get it off.  You were a wonderful person and I loved you so much and I think that if I had tried harder to keep you in your place that maybe just maybe you might still be here.  If I had been more stict about stopping the drug stuff maybe your pancreaus might have been healthy and you could have raised Savanna and still be the rock she needs.  Oh my Gosh is it all my fault.  Lord have mercy. Was I that bad of a mother.  Do I need to feel this much guilt.  Maybe I do.  Maybe I need to pray for forgiveness. Or maybe I did all I could and you were just that stubborn.  I think I need to not blame myself.  I don't need to make myself the bad person because that is what would make me depressed and that is what we don't want us to do.  I love you son and I just want you to stay close to me.  I am going to be writing you alot now.  You are the best counselor I have or should I say listener.  I will write again soon I love you Momma 

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For Mother's Day  / Denise Kneale (angel friends )

Dear Mom and Sarah, Remember that I am always near to you and my precious family, leaving signs of my love, peace and strength for you all xxx

I thought you would like these song lyrics Lost by Michael Buble. I had it playing on James' site for a while, and believe our Angels wrote it for us xxx

"Lost"

I can't believe it's over
I watched the whole thing fall
And I never saw the writing that was on the wall
If I'd only knew
The days were slipping past
That the good things never last
That you were crying

Summer turned to winter
And the snow it turned to rain
And the rain turned into tears upon your face
I hardly recognized the girl you are today
And god I hope it's not too late
It's not too late
'Cause you are not alone
I'm always there with you
And we'll get lost together
Till the light comes pouring through
'Cause when you feel like you're done
And the darkness has won
Babe, you're not lost
When your worlds crashing down
And you can't bear the thought
I said, babe, you're not lost

Life can show no mercy
It can tear your soul apart
It can make you feel like you've gone crazy
But you're not
Things have seem to changed
There's one thing that's still the same
In my heart you have remained
And we can fly fly fly away

'Cause you are not alone
And I am there with you
And we'll get lost together
Till the light comes pouring through
'Cause when you feel like you're done
And the darkness has won
Babe, you're not lost
When the worlds crashing down
And you can not bear the cross
I said, baby, you're not lost
I said, baby, you're not lost
I said, baby, you're not lost
I said, baby, you're not lost

(((Helen)))

Love and Blessings Denise mum to James. http://james-kneale.memory-of.com xxx

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Tomorrow is your birthday  / Helen Vickers (Mother of Shad )
Hey buddy. Tomorrow is your 32nd birthday. I can't believe that if you had lived that you would have been 32. It just seems like yesterday that Dad and I were awaiting the birth of our first born child. We didn't know what you were but we were so excited just to have you. Then you were born and you brought so much happiness to our lives. You lived such a troubled life and it makes me so sad sometime to think of that especially when I read thimgs that you wrote to me. You always wanted to be a better person and a better son and I want you to know that no matter what went on in your life you were mine and Dad's wonderful son and we loved you so very much. Today and during the last two weeks Dad and I have been moving out of the house on Royalty Dr. Today Dad found a note you had written me and he cried so very hard. I think sometimes Shad that he feels like he did not get to tell to that he was sorry for getting so mad at you sometime during your wilder days. That was the hardest thing for him to get through after you went into a coma. He spent a lot of time crying and telling me,"Helen, I never did hate him. I should have never told him that. I love him more than he will ever know." I would always say to him that you knew that he loved you and that any time that he said that to you that you had just donr something to make him so mad that he would say stuff that he did not mean at all. That still bothers him. Shad give him a comforting feeling from you that he will know that you know just how much he loved you and that you loved him in return just as much. Tomorrow we will be sending 10 balloons up to you for your birthday. I know you don't really get them but it is something that we do on your Angel Day and on your Birthday. I helps us to remember you and how much we love you and miss you. Gosh we miss you more than you could ever imagine even though you are the lucky one that never has to worry about anything ever again. In heaven forever with all the people that went before you and loved you so. Last night on Ghostwhispers when one of the dead went to the light he saw his Mom and Dad. I can't wait to touch your face and get one of those great hugs that you gave so freely. You are remembered by so many people for so many reasons and all of them are great reasons. I love you son you are my Butterfly. Happy Birthday. Know that your Dad and I love you and that you are in our hearts always. Momma. Close

For Your Angelversary Shad  / Denise Kneale (angel friends )

Thinking of you Shad on your Angelversary.  Please stay close to your precious family, leaving them signs of your love, peace and strength so they may feel your Love and Peace.

(((Helen)))

Love and Blessings Denise mum to James. http://james-kneale.memory-of.com xxx

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TO MY FRIEND  / SHAWN JOHNSON (FRIEND)
HEY SHAD,I DON'T REALLY KNOW WHAT TO SAY HERE,OTHER THAN TO TELL YOU HOW GREATLY YOU ARE MISSED,BUT SOMEHOW I THINK YOU KNOW.I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT SOME OF THE STUPID STUFF WE USED TO DO,STUFF WE HAD NO REASON DOING BECAUSE WE WERE EITHER TOO YOUNG OR BECAUSE IT WAS ILLEGAL,BUT I WON'T GO INTO THAT,BUT WE DID HAVE SOME REALLY GOOD TIMES,I SHARED THE STORY WITH YOUR MOM THIS TIME LAST YEAR ABOUT THE TIME IN TOWN WHEN WE WAS HAVING THAT DRIVE-BY WATER FIGHT,AND I THREW THE PAIR OF UNDERWEAR AT YOUR TRUCK AND MISSED AND HIT MAYOR FANNIN'S CAR,I HOPE SHE GOT AS BIG A LAUGH OUT OF THAT AS WE DID.WELL DUDE,I'M GONNA GO,I JUST WANTED TO STOP AND TELL YOU HOW MUCH WE MISS AND LOVE YOU,YOU WAS AND STILL ARE A GREAT PAL!!
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For your angel date dear Shadrick  / Jo-Ann Pacenta Mom Of Angel Lauren (Connected by angels )
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Beautiful/Just beautiful  / Donna Mother Of Christina Ann Valle
I am so sorry for the loss of Shadrick.  My prayers go out to his family and his friends who loved him dearly.  I also want to mention about the story that Shadrick"s sister wrote.  It was so beautiful.  I love the the part about the butterflies.  I also love the butterflies.  If you go to my daughters site Christina Valle you will see my story.  May you know that I feel your pain and know that you and your family take the time to grieve, because there is no certain time to stop grieving.  I only know you from the story that I read.  But somehow I can feel a connection.  Maybe because I not only lost my beautiful daughter.  But I also lost my sister and I thought my world would never be right again.  May the Lord comfort you with family and friends.  And also know that I am here also.  Love to you and your family. Close

Thinking of you  / Helen Vickers (Mother of Shad )

Well I just wanted to tell you that your sister is having another girl baby.  Shelby Grace.  We are so excited.  Also I have been getting your boys and keeping them for a couple of days at a time and they are so wonderful and fun.  Sarah and I try to do something fun with them when they come.  They love you Dad so much.. Aiden is having a hard time understanding that your dad is his papa.   He calls Chuck his real Papa and that is it you cannot argue with him.  That is when your dad and I decided that we have to get them more so that they will know who we are.  I am so sorry that this happened but it was hard for us to get them because they were so young, now they are so easy to take care of and so much fun.  Seth and Sydney love for them to come and play.  I want them to be close and I will see to it that they are.  I talked to Aunt Debbie last night and she said that she talks to you some and I told her that I could not imaging you and Aunt Pat in heaven together and how awsome that would be but someday we will know.  I am doing so good.  I am not depressed anymore and you would be so proud of me.  I decided that I had to get on with my life and to just make sure that I get to heaven to see you.  I look forward to that day but it will be in God's time and I won't make the choice of when it is.  I miss you everyday and I know that is ok, but I also know that you would not come back here if you could.  You enjoy heaven baby because you worked hard to get there.  I love you so much and I know you are near.  Momma

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Merry Christmas and Happy New Year  / Helen Vickers (Mother of Shadrick )
I love you son and miss you alot.  I am doing great and know that I have to wait until my time to see you.  I have hurt my family so much this passed year and I am going to go on with my life and be happy and enjoy the time that God is giving me here on earth I love you and love you and am so thankful that you left me three wonderful children to love.  Your baby boy will be four years old on Wed and that I can't believe.  He is so grown up.  We had christmas with them the week before christmas and then stayed home for christmas and Sarah and Shawn and the kids brought Savanna here and she is going home tomorrow.  She has been good this week.  She is going to be 10 years old this year hard to believe.  I know that you had a great christmas this year with all the family that is there with you.  Happy New Year and know that I love you and will see you when I get there. Momma Close

Aunt Pat is with you now  / Helen Vickers (mother of Shad )
I am so happy to know that you and your sweet Aunt Pat are together now.  You, Grandmother and Papaw met her at the gates of heaven I am so sure.  I love you baby boy and miss you so much.  Stay close to your Dad during this time of Loss.  Momma Close

Happy Thanksgiving  / Dessa Smith (connected by angels )
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Miss you every day  / Helen Vickers (mother to Shad )
Hey son.  I think of you always and just still can't believe that you are gone..  I sometimes just think that it is a dream and that you will come home soon.  You are such a special person and I feel so blessed that God allowed me to have you for the 28  years that he did.  Most parents out live their children and don't have to have the pain that I have.  But there are also people that don't have the chance to even have one child.  I miss you so bad but I am so thankful that I was blessed with three wonderful grandchildren that you gave me.  I look into their eyes and see you and that makes life worth living.  Dad and I are in Flordia on business and I have had some time to think and I have decided that I am going to listen to God and let him help me know what to do with my life from here on.  I want to not work and be able to help Tiffany with the boys.  I want to be able to get them and keep them and get to know them better.  I love you and will write to you later Momma Close

Missing you so very much  / Helen Vickers (Mother of Shad )
Shad please be with us close right now.  Your dad and I are having some really bad finanial problems and also I have had to take off work for the rest of the year and that just makes things more complicated.  Please know that I love you and think of you each and every day and miss you so.  Savanna is doing very good in school and I am so proud of her.  She is a firecracker.  The boys are good also.  I don't see them as often as I would like but it is nobodies fault.  I love them very much and miss them so.  Please stay close to me and let me feel you.  I love you Momma Close